Sunday, October 23, 2011

Briggs-Meyers, dating, and how my "P"-ness is showing...

I'm not sure how much stock to put in the Briggs-Meyers, but I think it pegged me fairly accurately in one aspect. One scale of BM is a scale from 0 to 10 on the J/P scale, where "J" stands for judging and "P" stands for perceiving. I got an 7 out of 10 for P and a 3 out of 10 for J.

That sounds about right with me. I tend to see the good in people. I understand that my role as the guy is to make plans and I do that, but truthfully what really matters to me is that we hang out. When it comes to going on a second date with someone, assuming that we met for the first, I'm a believer in giving the benefit of the doubt.

I also have some J in me. I'm a believer in law and order. There is something to be said for dress codes IMO and I am a stickler for manners. I've called people out for bad behavior even a couple of times when it was "none of my business" (the outspoken Italian side of me). I like math because I like dealing with correct and incorrect.

Anyway, I'm fairly tolerant of a lot of faults of other people because I know that I am not perfect. Let me count the ways.... I care about doing well by my career and my company, but I'm not sure I would be doing what I am doing if I were independently wealthy. I do what I do just as much because I need to make a living, as because I'm "making the world a better place". I have things about myself and my life that I wish were different. I've been broke before. I can work like hell for a project I feel passionate about but I love love luv sitting on my keister. I've had relationships end because I had some growing up to do. Sometimes I am jealous and insecure. I have a relatively calm exterior that masks a lot of intense emotional ups and downs. I work hard at being sensitive to others' feelings (but don't always succeed) because I am sometimes sensitive myself so I can empathize with that in others. I have a great heart and I am a loyal friend, and I am funny, but it doesn't always come out first meeting especially if I am really feeling it for the girl. I do wish I were better at those things. I do work on being a better person. A better man. I think I've made progress.

(An aside: A big challenge for us guys, IMO, is to walk the line where we show enough interest while not coming across as "too much" or a potential stalker or anything. Even if we aren't consciously aware of it... this is what we are doing. This is especially true when we are into you, but we aren't sure how into us you are yet. Speaking for myself, I can say that we guys hate rejection just as much as you do, but the smart ones man up and make things happen. But I digress...)

As someone in his late 30's, I would say that a lot of people, maybe 95% of us, can identify with at least parts of the above paragraph. Everyone has their struggles and few (if any?) have it figured out. Those who are worth getting to know are in touch with their better nature and are working to get better as people. That said, I think that "P"'s have their own challenges with dating. The problem they have I think, is that they meet someone they are attracted to--looks, sense of humor, whatever--and they overlook some serious red flags because in part of the attraction, but also because well, the "P"'s get that they aren't perfect either. So they sometimes end up getting tied up with the wrong person.

What I am looking for in a partner: A few basics--late 20's to mid 30's, athletic, passionate, kind, lives by the Golden Rule, and in touch with growing as a person. I won't lie--I have to be physically attracted to her (I'm a guy so I am shallow like that). BUT I won't write someone off for being human. I've been lucky enough to meet a few terrific women who I'm friends with, but for whatever reason (distance, either one of us not being "ready", and so on), it hasn't worked out romantically.

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