Sunday, October 30, 2011

The Crossfit article in Men's Health....

Some of you have seen this article in Men's Health. I feel the need to comment.

I should preface my remark by saying that I have been a subscriber to MH for most of my adult life. There is some good stuff in there but I do think that much of their "advice" (fashion, dating, and so on) is geared towards benefiting their sponsors. I think the women who pose in their magazines could use a steak or two.

If I am in the checkout lane and the person in front of me is paying with check, then I still will pick up the magazine and browse, however.

Anyway, my specific comments:


1. First three paragraphs of the 1st page. You know, I actually have heard something like that from a few women. Not all women who have taken on Crossfit, but a few. But then one thing that still shocks me on some level as a man about the female gender is how many of you have body/self-acceptance issues, even though intellectually I ought to know better by now. Women who have "perfect" bodies somehow feel that they need to lose 20 pounds. Again, not judging anyone here, just stating my observations. I have also gotten the sense that many women finally feel, after taking on Crossfit, that they truly are beautiful.

Or maybe it is the type of bonds you form with people going through something really intense and worthwhile together. Or it could be both. I did single the female gender out because, in my experience, Becky's sentiment in the article seems to be something that has been expressed more intensely by women.


2. The 8th paragraph of the 1st page. Later in the article, the author (Grant Stoddard) says he weighs 140lbs. That he is able to do 6 rounds of the workout with the 9 225lb deadlifts per round, just starting out as would be required of the workout he mentioned, is actually pretty durn impressive. See, 225/140 is 1.6, and not too many people can do 1.6 times body-weight deadlifts for reps just starting out, nevermind 54 reps in 15 minutes. Tres impressive. So props.


3. The 1st paragraph of the 2nd page. The author described IMO pretty well a big part of the appeal of Crossfit.


4. The 2nd through 5th paragraphs of the 2nd page. I actually laughed reading this. David Pearson actually did an awesome job selling Crossfit. Damn straight. Who the hell wants to be average?? I want to develop my superpowers!


5. The last three paragraphs of the 2nd page. I read some of the stats of the Games competitors. There are few people who weight under 200 pounds and have a 500lb deadlift, 400lb squat, and can run 400m in 55 seconds (typical Games competitor numbers for the males). None of those figures are in and of themselves world-class admittedly, but together in one person is extremely impressive.

Honestly, not everyone in the community agrees with the concept of using high-rep olympic lift movements in a workout. There has been a lot of back-and-forth debate about this. Many affiliates just won't do it.


6. The 6th paragraph of the 3rd page. I say strong is beautiful.


7. The rest of the 3rd page. We have had very few injuries at my box. In fact, the one time that I did injure myself was when I was NOT at the box. I tried a lift that I had no business attempting. My fault and my fault alone.

As far as the whole "don't specialize" thing, a lot of boxes, including ours, are offering more specialized classes in strength and olympic lifting. That does go somewhat against Glassman's purist approach, but it is the trend.

As far as who gets to become an instructor, yes, you do go through the Level 1 Certs, but no, that is not the only requirement in practice for becoming an instructor. A box will not let you teach unless both you are proficient in the movements yourself, AND you show a proficiency in teaching others.

8. The 4th page. No one really wants you to get rhabdo. We just play up how hard it is to scare away the wussies.

Speaking of safety, are you sure Crossfit is ANY more dangerous than other group classes? A long time ago, I took a Pilates class, sort of on a dare. (I made fun of the class to the wrong person.) I was kind of out of shape when I took the class, and I had a hot-shot ego. Anyway, for that hour of class we did tons of crunches and other sorts of core work, and we also did something like 200 triceps extensions with each arm with a very light dumbbell--I forget the exact number but it was a really high rep count. Eventually my left arm locked up and would not do another triceps extension. Anyway, I was in serious pain for a good 4 days after the class. For several days after that class, even laughing really hurt, and my left arm would not extend. It took a good week for me to get over my soreness. (Yeah I know. Guy gets killed by a 5-lb dumbbell, heroic huh. I don't tell this story on a first date.) Now this was MY fault for not realizing my own limits and stopping. I'm an adult here. The instructor's job was to lead the class through their workout which was as advertised, and not babysit some guy coming in with a big ego. My point is that you can injure yourself anywhere. (You can actually injure yourself more working with really light weights, because by the time you can't do another rep with that low low weight, you have well and truly shot your muscles. But I digress....)

I would even go so far to say that in a good Crossfit box, the instructor would have seen what was happening and would have intervened. In fact, you likely would not have been allowed to take a regular class until you got through a series of intro classes. So I would say that you're at least as safe in a good Crossfit class as you are in most any other group class.


9. The last two paragraphs of the 4th page. Take some responsibility here bro. You were the one who, in your own words, pushed yourself. But how often were you coming to class? (Were you overtraining?) Were you taking days off, which is highly recommended early on. Did you listen to your body? Did you get adequate rest? Were you eating well, with adequate protein, calories, and other nutrients?

And since when did anyone ever ask you your fitness goals in Zumba? Or in any other group class for that matter?

My trainers DID ask me my fitness goals, but that was because I talked to them after class. I was proactive. I also asked my classmates for advice.

That said, truth be told, some affiliates ARE better than others. Your experience will differ box to box. Also, every affiliate has its own vibe, and you will just feel that some are a better fit for you than others. Some people do complain about the lack of quality control in Crossfit, but whenever you are dealing with a number of people, that is always going to be an issue. Look at the rest of the fitness industry. Some personal trainers outside of Crossfit are, quite frankly, awesome, and there are some personal trainers (certified or not) who will hurt you. Indeed, some have given clients rhabdo. And yet even still I still think it's a good idea for someone who wants to improve his fitness to seek out a good personal trainer. Consider even say the medical profession. Every doctor/nurse is subjected to an amazing amount of training, but you will have a better experiences with some doctors/nurses than you will with others. If you have a bad experience with one doctor, does that mean that the medical profession as a whole is bad? (Of course it doesn't.)


10. Page 5. I am curious how this story would have ended had the author sought out advice and had seen the results.

As far as the neighbor he ran into, well, yeah. Putting Crossfit on the same level as your marriage is a bit much. Maybe her husband needs to swing his kettlebell a little better perhaps? Or maybe his thrusters aren't deep enough. Or maybe she wishes he would appreciate more about her than just her snatch, and around the house start doing more cleaning and less jerking. Some people can go a little too far with anything though.

But as far as becoming an instructor, when something brings you joy, of course you want to contribute to it. Some people decide to become instructors in surfing, yoga, and other areas of fitness. What's wrong with that?

As far as our box goes, we're totally a cult. We don't have anyone ignoring their kids or spouses or anything, but we do have a bunch of us actually staying after we finish to cheer on the others (because we like each other!) and making friends. We've even been known to meet up as a group a few times for Happy Hour. If that's not bad enough, a few of us have even been known to come in before class for extra strength work. The kicker though, was the one day, when our instructor started talking about nutrition. According to her, it's not enough that we work out hard when we come to the box. She had the nerve to tell us that if we really want to get great results, we need to make sure we get our rest, AND we need eat more vegetables and lean protein, and cut out the processed carbs. Crazy talk!

REALLY, EVERYONE NEEDS TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR THEM. Starting this fitness journey at Crossfit has been really rewarding for me so far. After working out in a space that has gymnastic rings, bumper plates (where you can drop the weights on the floor), ropes where you can climb to the ceiling, and soft medicine balls that you throw high against the wall, it would be hard for me to go back to working out in a space that doesn't have these things. IT WORKS FOR ME AND WHAT I WANT AND IT DOESN'T MAKE ME COOLER THAN ANYONE ELSE. Also, the people I work out with are awesome. The workouts push you to the limits. The coaches want to see you achieve your goals and want to push you to your limits SAFELY. Anyway, THAT is what I would advocate to ANYONE looking to start a fitness program--NOT the name on the door (Crossfit or no)--instead, will you find yourself growing, and will it be rewarding enough so that YOU enjoy the journey? THAT IS WHAT MATTERS!

Also, YOU must take responsibility for your fitness. I am strength-biased, so I pick and choose the days to come to class. Some days I come in early and lift weights so I get my strength work in, sometimes in place of the workout. IF IT IS REALLY FEELING WRONG TO YOU, STOP DOING IT. It is up to you to get the difference between a healthy nudge just outside your comfort zone, and something that is only going to hurt you.

My rant for today...

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Friday, October 28, 2011

People whom I find exasperating...

Writing is cathartic to me. Anyway, I really like to believe the best of humanity, but I am often disappointed. Now, I will be the first to admit that I am no Zen-Master. I'm chill in a lot of things, but I'm sure there are things that bother me that hardly register with other people, such as perhaps you. Anyway, here is my list of the types of people who drive me crazy..


1. Oblivious/inconsiderate drivers. I confess. I'm Type-A. I'm also one of those people who pays full attention when he drives, and I expect that same sort of attention of someone else who is piloting some two tons of mass alongside me on the road.

Yes, Mr Honda Accord driver who didn't go when the green arrow, I'm talking to you. If you were truly lost, I understand and apologize for giving you the finger. BUT if you decided that you wanted to go to Trader Joes instead of Whole Foods, keep in mind that you probably took 5 minutes off several people's lunch break, including mine, when there was no need. Make the left turn anyway and turn around.

I'm also talking about you, Ms Ford Focus going 45 in the center lane on the highway. You're not only holding people up, but you're also a safety risk. I'm not only figuring out how to get around you, but I am also concerned about the guy bearing down on my ass going 70.

I'm also talking about you, Ms Ford Explorer holding up Main Street for 219 seconds (I timed it) to wait for someone to pull out of a spot, when there was a few perfectly nice spots maybe a couple cars up. Walk the 10 extra steps. You could use the exercise!

I'm also talking about you, Mr. Dodge Durango blocking the left lane going 55. Not only are you blocking forward progress, but you are causing added wear-and-tear on our infrastructure AND our environment because YOU feel the need to drive a such a big heavy vehicle to look cool. Assclown!


2. Women who don't return phone calls. This seems to be a phenomenon in online dating. I saw your profile, I wrote you. (Very rare for me, as it's hard for me to find someone I'm interested in. Maybe that says something bad about myself...) We had a nice email exchange. We talked on the phone. You seem really cool. I carve out time to see you. We get together. I think it went well. You don't agree. That's perfectly fine, BUT would you give me the respect of a response back?

I HAVE been called too idealistic and naive. I've never been that good at this "dating" thing, but I am learning the "game" and I have mixed feelings about it. That said, I'd like to see YOU make all the first moves, plan a date, AND drive the distance to see the other person, feel hopeful and excited, and then have them blow you off as a non-person. At some point you become more realistic and realize that you are dealing with a stranger and do what you can to make first meets as effortless as possible, but it still wears on you. [Like I said earlier, I do take some things too personally.] And how are we really going to find love if we're all so damn cynical?

I get that the last guys you were with were jerks. I'm not any of those guys. I've seen my share of bad behavior before too, but I don't hold it against you. You're not any of those girls either. (I did go through an "angry" period myself, but I got past it. I just didn't like the person I had become during that time and I had to move on.) I'd like to think seeing that has made me more compassionate--I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of bad behavior, and because I hated it, I do my best not to subject others to that sort of thing. My policy is: If you ask where you stand, I will tell you.

(Which brings me to an aside... You've heard from The Rules not to contact a man. That's BS. I can tell you a few instances where I was on the fence about calling the girl again, but what swayed me to say yes was that she contacted me after the date. I appreciate some effort and I think most other guys do.)


3. People who pay with checks. I know I know, you have as much of right to pay with a check as I do with my newfangled methods of bank card. But it's still irritating. [I was just behind someone who paid with check.] It's 2011, and 2012 is getting closer. My grandparents have a credit card and they're 90 years old. Get with the times!


4. Dudes who do curls in the squat rack! Extra DIScredit if it happens to be a ridiculously light weight, and your hair is slicked back. Extra extra DIScredit if you don't put your weights back. I wish God will have you do 50 burpees for each time you held up the squat rack, AND for each weight you used that didn't put back before He will even THINK of letting you get into Heaven.

Unlike a lot of people who do Crossfit, I have nothing against globos. A lot of people in Crossfit view them as a sort of intrinsic evil, but I have no problem. I actually spent the evening of January 1st, 2011 thrashing myself to a bunch of heavy deadlifts at 24Hour (the way you live the first day of the year is how you live the rest of the year IMO). It was actually an awesome workout. BUT not having to deal with inconsiderate chumps is a nice perk of Crossfit.


My point: I wish people would consider the feelings of other people before they act. Life would be so much easier...

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I rock (back squats and dead-hang muscle-ups)

I thought today's workout was going to suck for me. We did back squats (3-5 reps)x5 sets. I love back squats as much as the next guy, but I was flaring for the last few days (see my previous post on ulcerative colitis). I was also down on sleep. I also did about 50 135-pound power-cleans yesterday (a moderate weight for me) on top of kettlebell swings and box jumps, so my hamstrings were tired.

My weight was off for my back squat by about 10% of my usual. I did 205 pounds for 5 reps ATG (ATG means ass-to-grass, where the but goes down really deep in the squat) once, and then 225 pounds for 2 reps ATG. I felt somewhat weak and I was even listing to one side during both sets. That sucked, but it was better than I expected.

I think I turned a corner with my muscle-ups though. I did them between my sets of back squats. For my first set, I jump up, grab the rings (still false grip for me) and did a set of 4, strict. I don't think I ever got 4 in a row even kipped. Anyway, I enjoyed my newfound superpowers and ended up doing something like 20 strict muscle-ups, total, for the class. It could mean that my abilities in that regard took a real jump up or that I just lost enough weight during the flare-up to make bodyweight exercises easier for me. It's ok, I'm still happy with that...

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Living with ulcerative colitis

It was June 2005. I knew something was wrong with me, but I didn't know what.

My girlfriend at the time and I were walking hand-in-hand not too far from where she grew up. She was telling me stories of the mischief her and her friends got into in high school. A really nice summer evening. Suddenly my intestines felt like they were carrying a 3-pood kettlebell. I suddenly felt chills and panic. It looked like I saw the grim reaper.

I let go of Christine's hand and started to speed up my walking. "Christine, I'm sorry but I really need to find a bathroom. Now...."

After 2 harrowing minutes and a lot of Hail Mary's said on my part, we arrived at a coffee shop and I made it to the bathroom. Relief, at least for the next hour or so, until the next urgency attack hit again and the cycle continued. This was my life for the past few weeks, and I was now always tired and now losing weight. And it was affecting all areas of my life. I was interviewing at the time, and it's hard to make a good impression when you are always running to the bathroom (looks kinda shady). I was also getting up at night from bed to run to the bathroom, interrupting my sleep, and interrupting moments when well, we were not sleeping.


"Mike, you really need to go to the doctor...." Christine said to me once, very exasperated.

I was hoping that this was just a bug that would eventually go away, but it did not. My life at the time was craziness. As I mentioned, I was interviewing. At my "job" at the time as a researcher at a university where I was paid on a month-to-month basis from grants that didn't always come in. So I didn't get paid every month. What was worse was that I was writing the research proposals to get these grants so that was stressing me out. (I should add that my employer was NOT the bad guy here. When I took the position I was only supposed to be there for 2 years while I looked for a more permanent academic position, which was my goal at the time. As nothing materialized in my job search, I was allowed to stay longer, but only under those terms. As well, beggars can't be choosers, I accepted. I had made mistakes in my search, and it was MY fault AND MY FAULT ALONE for doing a poor job in planning a backup plan. I've gotten MUCH smarter now, especially with my finances.) I really couldn't afford medical treatment. My credit card debt was getting out of control. I wondered if the way I was feeling was just stress with my money worries and whatnot. Also, my diet wasn't the best in the world either at the time because I couldn't afford good food.


In the meanwhile, I tried all sorts of remedies at Whole Foods and GNC, 30 bucks at a time. Not cheap but what else could I do. Eventually I had to break down and go to my parents for help (really hard for me as I was self-reliant for most of my adult life) and go to the hospital. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, an autoimmune condition. What is basically happening is that my immune system has these crazy conspiracy theories and thinks that there is an enemy in the inner lining of my lower intestine, so it attacks, creating a lot of painful inflammation. Unfortunately, the condition lasts a lifetime--periods where the disease is active in flares, and when it is in remission and there are little to no symptoms. And there is no cure short of taking the large intestine out. Thanks in part to treatment though, I have it mostly managed but not entirely.

To manage my UC now, I've tried some weird stuff and some actually seems to work, to some extent. I now eat ginger root and cinnamon bark straight. I probably down more enteric-coated fish oil than you do. Not because I'm weird or I'm trying to start a new fad, but instead because I am trying to manage the condition. The aforementioned are fairly powerful anti-inflammatories and they somewhat alleviate the flare. I'm not sure if they will help keep me in remission, but I am sure that they can't hurt. When I am having an urgency attack and a bathroom is a ways away, I visualize a stream of cool blue laser light flowing down my large intestine soothing everything. I also remind myself that it's just a muscle contraction and it will pass.


Sometimes I still have flares. Serious flares can be scary. It's a lot more than just a lot of running to the bathroom, it is basically the immune system waging war on the rest of the body, with the lower intestine being the epicenter of it all. Cramps, aches, and fatigue all over. I'm also talking losing 10 pounds in a week or two. And for some reason, it is mostly muscle in the legs. I've once lost 20% of my back squat in 10 days. When I am flaring these days, I force myself to do things like heavy squats and deadlifts like once a week to keep the muscle on, and that actually helps, but I stay sore for sometimes a week after. But I am lucky in that serious flares are rare for me.

What is rather sad is that the treatments now for UC aren't that good. At least they aren't for a lot of us. The weaker medicines don't really do anything for a lot of us, and the stronger medicines tend to be more like sledge-hammers that affect the entire body mainly by weakening the immune system (so it has less firepower to attack the lower intestine), as opposed to a scapula or a sniper that targets only the specific condition. The most powerful treatment for myself personally is a steroid called prednisone. Unfortunately, the drug doesn't target just the inflammation--it instead works on the entire body, and has some nasty long-term side effects. Here is hoping research helps come up with a cure.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Briggs-Meyers, dating, and how my "P"-ness is showing...

I'm not sure how much stock to put in the Briggs-Meyers, but I think it pegged me fairly accurately in one aspect. One scale of BM is a scale from 0 to 10 on the J/P scale, where "J" stands for judging and "P" stands for perceiving. I got an 7 out of 10 for P and a 3 out of 10 for J.

That sounds about right with me. I tend to see the good in people. I understand that my role as the guy is to make plans and I do that, but truthfully what really matters to me is that we hang out. When it comes to going on a second date with someone, assuming that we met for the first, I'm a believer in giving the benefit of the doubt.

I also have some J in me. I'm a believer in law and order. There is something to be said for dress codes IMO and I am a stickler for manners. I've called people out for bad behavior even a couple of times when it was "none of my business" (the outspoken Italian side of me). I like math because I like dealing with correct and incorrect.

Anyway, I'm fairly tolerant of a lot of faults of other people because I know that I am not perfect. Let me count the ways.... I care about doing well by my career and my company, but I'm not sure I would be doing what I am doing if I were independently wealthy. I do what I do just as much because I need to make a living, as because I'm "making the world a better place". I have things about myself and my life that I wish were different. I've been broke before. I can work like hell for a project I feel passionate about but I love love luv sitting on my keister. I've had relationships end because I had some growing up to do. Sometimes I am jealous and insecure. I have a relatively calm exterior that masks a lot of intense emotional ups and downs. I work hard at being sensitive to others' feelings (but don't always succeed) because I am sometimes sensitive myself so I can empathize with that in others. I have a great heart and I am a loyal friend, and I am funny, but it doesn't always come out first meeting especially if I am really feeling it for the girl. I do wish I were better at those things. I do work on being a better person. A better man. I think I've made progress.

(An aside: A big challenge for us guys, IMO, is to walk the line where we show enough interest while not coming across as "too much" or a potential stalker or anything. Even if we aren't consciously aware of it... this is what we are doing. This is especially true when we are into you, but we aren't sure how into us you are yet. Speaking for myself, I can say that we guys hate rejection just as much as you do, but the smart ones man up and make things happen. But I digress...)

As someone in his late 30's, I would say that a lot of people, maybe 95% of us, can identify with at least parts of the above paragraph. Everyone has their struggles and few (if any?) have it figured out. Those who are worth getting to know are in touch with their better nature and are working to get better as people. That said, I think that "P"'s have their own challenges with dating. The problem they have I think, is that they meet someone they are attracted to--looks, sense of humor, whatever--and they overlook some serious red flags because in part of the attraction, but also because well, the "P"'s get that they aren't perfect either. So they sometimes end up getting tied up with the wrong person.

What I am looking for in a partner: A few basics--late 20's to mid 30's, athletic, passionate, kind, lives by the Golden Rule, and in touch with growing as a person. I won't lie--I have to be physically attracted to her (I'm a guy so I am shallow like that). BUT I won't write someone off for being human. I've been lucky enough to meet a few terrific women who I'm friends with, but for whatever reason (distance, either one of us not being "ready", and so on), it hasn't worked out romantically.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Seeing Diane again....

Tonight we did a Crossfit workout known as "Diane", which is 21 225lb deadlifts, then 21 handstand pushups, then 15 225 lb deadlifts and then 15 hand-stand pushups, and then finally 9 225lb deadlifts and 9 handstand pushups. (So a total of 21+15+9=45 225lb deadlifts and 45 handstand pushups.) This is the first time I saw "Diane" in well over a year. I think our box did it 4 times since I last did "Diane", and each time I happened to be out.

I really wanted to see how I would do on "Diane". For a couple of reasons. The first reason is that I wanted to see how far I've come. Last time I tried that workout, I got killed. Took me close to the 30-minute time cutoff. And I didn't even have the full 225lb bar for the deadlifts, I scaled down to 185. And I didn't even do all 45 handstand pushups. The first 21 I did using an ab-mat (instead of my head touching the ground it touches the ab-mat, which reduces the range of motion of the handstand pushup by a couple of inches and so it makes it significantly easier). And I subbed in dumbell presses for the remaining 24 handstand pushups. The second reason is that I have a lot of stress going on with my family. (I will talk about that more later.) Crossfit Annapolis is sort of a sanctuary of sorts for me.

So I tell myself that I am going to do "Diane" Rx, which means that I will do 45 225lb deadlifts (instead of 45 deadlifts at a lighter weight or fewer than 45 deadlifts), and that I will do 45 hand-stand pushups where my head hits the ground (as opposed to subbing in handstand pushups using a mat or dumbell presses). It's my goal for the night.

Anyway, we hear the "3-2-1-GO!" from Erin, our coach. I start the 21 225lb deadlifts. I feel strong. I bang out the first 14 deadlifts TNG, holding it just long enough on the ground so the barbell doesn't have a bounce to help it back up, which would have been cheating. ("TNG" stands for "touch-n-go". When the weight hits the ground, you start the next rep in the next instant as opposed to resting for a moment first.) Then I walk to the chalk bucket and back, and do 7 more deadlifts. Doing the deadlifts should be no problem.

Then I do the handstand pushups. I knew these would be much harder for me. I really wanted to finish the workout Rx though. I really wanted to get out all 45 handstand pushups. To be able to do this, my strategy was to conserve my strength as much as I could early on. I wouldn't go for too many HSPUs at once at this point. Anyway, I do 5 HSPUs and then walk to the chalk bucket and back. Then 5 more HSPUs. Then 5 more. Then 3 more, and then 3 more after that, which is 21 HSPUs total. Now it is time to do 15 deadlifts.

I do a set of 7 TNG deadlifts (I like the number "7") and then 4 TNGs, and then 4 more TNGs, giving me 15. Now it is time to do 15 handstand pushups.

Now I am starting to feel tired. I try to do these next 15 HSPUs 3 at a time. I somehow make it, but now my arms are smoked. So much for conserving my strength. I am looking forward to doing the last 9 deadlifts. I do those fairly quickly, and now it is time to do the last 9 more HSPUs and then I am done.

My arms are really tired even starting the last 9 HSPUs, and I was out of breath from those deadlifts. But I was going to do everything in my power to do these 9 HSPUs without a mat. Anyway, I go to the wall and get 2. I walk around and get 2 more. I hear Erin yelling at me to get back on the wall and finish the remaining 5. I get just 1 this time. I rest, and get 1 more. Now there are only 3 left. I walk to the chalk bucket (even though I really don't need chalk, I guess walking to the chalk bucket is a self-comforting mechanism of mine or something), and then go back to the wall. I get 1 more HSPU. Now there are 2 left! I go back to the wall, and... I grunt and push and finally get up there for the first of the remaining two. Now I'm hoping I can do this just one more time, and then I will be done. I shake my arms out, and go for the last. Wow! This one took a good 5 seconds for me to get up. But I finished "Diane". And I finished it Rx.

A very nice icing on the cake was getting to savor that, by exchanging hive-fives with the others after that. It was inspiring seeing how hard everyone pushed themselves and now it is time for all of us to congratulate each other. Moments like these keep me coming back to CFA. Also, if you really want to keep yourself young, push yourself physically with a bunch of 20-something year-olds.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Interview mode.....

I've noticed something: So many of us go through life in job interview mode. By that I mean whenever someone asks us a question, we have all these autopilot responses (e.g., "How are you?" "Good"), and craft our answer so that we don't offend anyone and we come across politically correct.

I've tried online dating, and I see this a lot. I swear, everyone online ``loves their job'', ``has a wonderful group of friends and family'', ``laid-back but ambitious'', is "comfortable in jeans but looks great dressing up". (I'd actually find it refreshing to read a profile where a woman admits to having PMS and getting around on her broom a few days every month. See at least I'd see she is being honest and so I'd be a lot more likely to believe the sweet things she says after that. But I digress...) And I used to be in Interview Mode all the time myself. I still catch myself doing it when I feel intimidated or when I really feel a desire to impress someone. And there is a time and place for it too. There's versions of a story you tell your parents, your boss, and your closest friends. Your boss aint your therapist. Neither is your date.


The thing is though, we often overdo it. We also subconsciously feel when we are being dealt with in Job Interview Mode. And when this happens, we don't feel much connection or chemistry with the other person. There's nothing for us to latch onto. We also suspect on some level what the other person is hiding and if they are even worth getting to know. A high-status person tends to say what is on his mind. A low-status person is preoccupied with pleasing others.

No wonder why there aren't too many second dates with online dating.

Anyway, what are we hiding? What are we ashamed of? For myself... well, I earned a PhD, but I nearly flunked out of college. I just had trouble focusing in lectures/groups and even now I just feel a pull to go off and do my own thing. I'm not a great natural athlete but I did get a letter in high school, and I am really proud of that one letter because I know how hard I had to work to earn it.

I've had relationships not work out, despite my best efforts. I've had one-night stands and thought I was way cooler than I really was for that. I've gotten my heart broken, and honestly, I haven't always been as careful as I should have been with other people's feelings in the past. I've been accused of having walls up. I still have moments where I feel incredibly socially awkward, although I'd like to think that by now I've learned to hide it maybe 70% of the time. I'd like to think that I've become a more thoughtful and mature person and a better man as I've gotten older. Lord knows I do my best, despite my shortcomings.


As for my career, I'm good at what I do but I'm not sure if it is my passion the way it was 10 years ago. I sometimes get up in the morning not really sure how or if I am making the world a better place. Meanwhile, I have done a lot of soul-searching for what I really am meant to do, and the one phrase that resonates with me is ``blaze a trail''. I'll just keep pushing and pushing and pushing until I succeed, and I'm convinced God made me so fucking hardheaded for a reason. It's what inspired me to go into science in the first place. I never had a desire to own a big house or a flashy car, but what I really wanted was to solve the big open problem. To be the first to figure out something important and share the knowledge. To be the first to climb the mountain, and then lead the way for others.

Anyway, maybe that is why I am here writing this blog. Not so much that I am going to say something that profound, but I am hoping that someone will find it useful in some way.


This is my experiment in the meanwhile... whenever I catch myself going into Interview Mode I am going to say something outrageous or something that is truly on my mind. I think a lot of the ``nice guys'' especially would benefit from this. I'd say, don't try to impress and don't be afraid to offend. What if you were to speak your mind more at work? Instead of playing up your job as more impressive than it really is, do you really think your date would run if you were to tell her that your job is sometimes just a paycheck for you, and that you had moments where you fantasized about running away and taking a year off. What if you were to tell her that your job is just your paycheck but it's not your passion and that you are doing some soul-searching for what really motivates you? I mean, she can tell whether you are bluffing your way so you might as well be honest.

I guess my point is that great things do happen if we do go for what we really want and say what we are really thinking/feeling. Not only does everyone--including ourselves--respect us for having balls, but we often end up getting what is was that we asked for.

My reason for joining Crossfit.......

Thanks for stopping by. Anyway, I plan on sharing my perspective on a lot of things here. Especially things related to growth and transformation. Hopefully something you can relate to. I am going to devote this first post to Crossfit, a fitness routine that is an important part of my life.

What's my story for signing up? Some of it for the "obvious" reasons of getting into shape, and some of it for deeper personal reasons.


Well, first some background. I had moved down to Annapolis for my career at the end of 2007. I've had mixed feelings about living here in Maryland. On the one hand, I've met some awesome people here, but on the other, I still felt a lot like an outsider here. Anyway, I went into January 2010 emotionally hurting. A relationship had ended. As I mentioned, I was living in a town where I didn't really feel at home in. I knew I wasn't getting any younger either. For the first time in my life, I was starting to feel old. And it was cold out! I needed a change.

I want to say upfront that whenever we are in a rut, I'm not sure if it matters so much what we do, but instead that we are doing something constructive. I wouldn't call Crossfit a religious experience for me, because it's not. All the muscle-ups in the world won't build you a stairway to heaven. It won't bring back a past love. But growing in a meaningful way and accomplishing something hard can set off a chain reaction. I'm also the kind of person who feels most alive when I am working towards a goal that I am excited about, and there is just something about being able to lift a certain amount of weight or do something a lot of people find hard, such as a muscle-up, that appeals to me.


I had first heard of Crossfit through someone I know who was doing it and who loved it. It sounded interesting, and for all of 2009 really, I had toyed with the idea of giving it a try "when the time was right for me". Well, "the time was right for me" finally in that cold early January 2010. I called Ryan at Crossfit BWI January 6th, and walked into Crossfit BWI January 8th, 2010 at 11 am. Forty-five minutes later, I was filling out the forms signing myself up, still seeing stars from the workout Ryan just put me through.

My first few months were brutal. I was coming in dead last in all the workouts, and often I was one of the oldest people in the room. This was actually therapeutic in a way that was kind of hard to explain, except that I was facing a lot of my insecurities head-on. Every time I did a 225lb deadlift (that was a lot for me back then) I felt as if I was getting some sort of victory. I know I've using some metaphors with life and I don't want to get carried away here. But when you see improvement in one important area of your life (physical vitality), it's hard for it not to translate to other areas.

I went from hardly being able to overhead squat the 45-lb bar (I had no idea how unstable an overhead squat would feel until I tried it for the first time) to being able to overhead squat my bodyweight and then some (175lbs, ass-to-grass, the only way to squat in my humble opinion) twice. I got my first muscle-up this year, and now a couple times a week I do several of them before class. I'm starting to string them together. Well, kipping that is. I'm gonna get them strict before 2011 ends. I might be in my late 30's, but it's hard to feel as if you're older when you end the year stronger and in better shape than you started.

But importantly, Crossfit has given me a sense of community that I haven't felt in a long time. There's a great group of people at CFA, and it's a honor to get to work out with them. They are amazing people, and I love the feeling of going to the box and learning from someone how to do a certain movement better, and having them ask me for a pointer how to do a muscle-up. I feel like I'm back on a sports team going through practice, and it's an awesome sensation.

I've also become a lot more proactive. I'm more in touch with the part of myself that never gives up. Again not to overdo the metaphors with life, but if you can get your body to do things you never would imagine possible, what else can you do? It is well-known that working out increases your sense of confidence and well-being.

And Crossfit has given me some new goals. I want to become an instructor at some point. I love the feeling of being able to help other people improve themselves and to reach their goals.