1. The goal of life isn't self-preservation, that's impossible no one has ever left this planet for good alive. The goal of life is to make an impact, hopefully for good.
2. People intuitively get this at some level. Most people at some level would rather think of themselves as strong, deep, and special rather than comfortable. Isn't this why about every little kid takes pride in "doing it himself"? Isn't this part of what brings people into the door for CrossFit? How many of us stayed in difficult relationships feeling on some level it was a badge of honor? Many are called....
3. But most people don't follow though. The work to be strong, deep, and special is too hard, and the couch feels too good. ...so few are chosen.
4. If you are someone who follows through and who consistently does the extra effort you are far ahead of 90% of everyone else.
5. Think your actions through. It takes a lot more energy to fix a stupid mistake than it does to have never made it in the first place.
6. On the other hand, the goal aint perfection. That's impossible. Even if it were, the most compelling people are often those who came back from their mistakes.
7. If I can describe how I matured in one sentence, it would be that I take responsibility for my actions and think things through much better.
8. If I could describe how I matured in two sentences, I became aware of how much others' actions really were about me. It's actually most of the time not that much.
9. Writing is hard. It took me a long time even to get to 9 things.
10. 50% of the people who drive Cadillac Escalades are tools.
11. 65% of the people who drive Lincoln Navigators are tools.
12. You can tell a lot about someone by the way they drive. I don't think I'd ever date or hire someone who squats in the left lane on the freeway driving less than the speed limit.
13. Everyone really has the same worth. No one is all that. I mean, take someone who is especially smart, good-looking, strong, and accomplished. How long would it take for you to not stand them if they happened to think it gave them carte blanche to cut in line or act like a jackass?
14. I like to pursue.
15. When women say they want a nice guy, what they really mean is that they want the guy they are attracted to, to BE nice. As in they fall for the guy for his masculinity, his drive, his smarts, his whatever, and then they hope he turns out to be nice.
16. I'm a sucker for anything done really really well. I admire a really well-written piece of computer code. I admire a really well-laid out lecture. I admire a really smooth muscle-up technique in CrossFit or someone's amazing souble-under technique. I admire an especially smooth parallel-parking job. Hell I was admiring the pattern the barista made at the top of my latte this morning. Such a work of art, it pained me to drink it.
17. You want to get into a guy's heart, compliment him on his driving.
18. A woman who has a passion and pursues it--that's really hot to me.
19. Ever since I got into CrossFit, I've gotten much better at chunking tasks down. The workout calls for 45 reps? I think that if I get to 30, I'm almost done. If I get to 20--20 is "almost" 30, then I am "almost almost" done. If I get to 14, well, 14 is "almost" 20, then I am "almost almost almost" done. Kinda silly when you lay it out like that but it works for me.
20. When I fly, I don't mind sitting in the middle seat but I must sit in the front of the plane. Having to wait 20 minutes to get off the plane due to everyone fumbling with their oversized carry ons just isn't cool.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Dream on, dream on....
Happy New Year! Everyone talks though about making new years' resolutions. I don't do that anymore. January 1st is merely an arbitrary date on the calender. Every day is New Years really.
I've been meaning to write this post for a while but this is the first time I had a chance to do so. A little while ago I had lunch with my PhD advisor. It was great seeing him and catching up, but talk about a time distortion.
I was immediately brought back to Winter 2000/2001. I had just turned 28. I drove a beat-up 10-year-old Honda Civic hatchback with well over 100,000 miles that had a tear in the seats and no air-conditioning. This despite the fact that Baltimore summers are about as hot and humid as anywhere else in the country. I was working 70-hour weeks and making do on something like $1200/month. And yet, I felt like I was about to make it big.
I just felt like I was on the rise in a big way. A research project that I was working on--the final part of my thesis--was accepted to one of the most prestigious conferences in the country. I spent a couple weeks in early November 2000 in sunny Redondo Beach, CA presenting it. When I was there I got an interview with the person who headed a prestigious research group in Princeton. (He must have been impressed because I got the offer that January for my dream job.) As I walked along the Pacific Ocean just after dusk one day during that trip, I felt really good for how the past 4 years went. I felt really good about how that research project turned out, especially after all that hard work I put into it. I felt really good to be doing what I always wanted to do--making contributions to science, and that someone felt that what I was doing was that valuable that I got that all-expenses-paid trip out to SoCal when Maryland was shivering via an unusually cold fall. I guess I also felt really proud to be the first person in my family to earn an advanced degree, and to move away and make a life for himself so far away from home. I also wondered what the next 10 years would hold.
The next 10 years were actually quite a bumpy ride. I got complacent, suffered from burn-out, fell in love, screwed that up royally, got sick, and actually had to move home for a few months. I felt at this point like a huge failure. By 2007 I was out of mathematics. I did end up getting a job in software development and even though it wasn't what I wanted to be spending my life doing, I appreciated the fact that I was making a more-than-comfortable income (for the first time in my life). I was finally paying off all my student loans and establishing a financial cushion.
Then in 2007 a friend of mine invited me to where I am at now, to come down and give a talk on my research that I had done as a graduate student. The talk went really well, and I was offered a job. If I accepted, I would be back in mathematics. It wasn't a professorship as I had dreamed about back in 2000, but it was a chance to do what I had loved again and get paid. I accepted the offer. I've been here for 6 years and time has flown for me.
And yet driving home from lunch in my Jeep on I-97 South, I couldn't help but feel a bit sad. That Aerosmith song was running through my head. The 28-year-old version of me was a hard-charging young man who had all these big visions of changing the world. He could get by living on so little. He had no idea though, of how fast the time would go between 28 and 41.
The version of me now still wants to do that, but at the same time, a lot of that fire is gone. I leave work at a civilized hour (usually). I'm happy making a good living and that I've (finally) built up a cushion. I like being comfortable.
Yet I am also idealistic. I still want to climb the mountain. I'm doing soul-searching to discover what it will take for me to get the passion back, or for me to come to peace that the passion for me, is gone at least when it comes to science. and it is time to move on to finding joy in something else.
Maybe this is a part of growing up though....
I've been meaning to write this post for a while but this is the first time I had a chance to do so. A little while ago I had lunch with my PhD advisor. It was great seeing him and catching up, but talk about a time distortion.
I was immediately brought back to Winter 2000/2001. I had just turned 28. I drove a beat-up 10-year-old Honda Civic hatchback with well over 100,000 miles that had a tear in the seats and no air-conditioning. This despite the fact that Baltimore summers are about as hot and humid as anywhere else in the country. I was working 70-hour weeks and making do on something like $1200/month. And yet, I felt like I was about to make it big.
I just felt like I was on the rise in a big way. A research project that I was working on--the final part of my thesis--was accepted to one of the most prestigious conferences in the country. I spent a couple weeks in early November 2000 in sunny Redondo Beach, CA presenting it. When I was there I got an interview with the person who headed a prestigious research group in Princeton. (He must have been impressed because I got the offer that January for my dream job.) As I walked along the Pacific Ocean just after dusk one day during that trip, I felt really good for how the past 4 years went. I felt really good about how that research project turned out, especially after all that hard work I put into it. I felt really good to be doing what I always wanted to do--making contributions to science, and that someone felt that what I was doing was that valuable that I got that all-expenses-paid trip out to SoCal when Maryland was shivering via an unusually cold fall. I guess I also felt really proud to be the first person in my family to earn an advanced degree, and to move away and make a life for himself so far away from home. I also wondered what the next 10 years would hold.
The next 10 years were actually quite a bumpy ride. I got complacent, suffered from burn-out, fell in love, screwed that up royally, got sick, and actually had to move home for a few months. I felt at this point like a huge failure. By 2007 I was out of mathematics. I did end up getting a job in software development and even though it wasn't what I wanted to be spending my life doing, I appreciated the fact that I was making a more-than-comfortable income (for the first time in my life). I was finally paying off all my student loans and establishing a financial cushion.
Then in 2007 a friend of mine invited me to where I am at now, to come down and give a talk on my research that I had done as a graduate student. The talk went really well, and I was offered a job. If I accepted, I would be back in mathematics. It wasn't a professorship as I had dreamed about back in 2000, but it was a chance to do what I had loved again and get paid. I accepted the offer. I've been here for 6 years and time has flown for me.
And yet driving home from lunch in my Jeep on I-97 South, I couldn't help but feel a bit sad. That Aerosmith song was running through my head. The 28-year-old version of me was a hard-charging young man who had all these big visions of changing the world. He could get by living on so little. He had no idea though, of how fast the time would go between 28 and 41.
The version of me now still wants to do that, but at the same time, a lot of that fire is gone. I leave work at a civilized hour (usually). I'm happy making a good living and that I've (finally) built up a cushion. I like being comfortable.
Yet I am also idealistic. I still want to climb the mountain. I'm doing soul-searching to discover what it will take for me to get the passion back, or for me to come to peace that the passion for me, is gone at least when it comes to science. and it is time to move on to finding joy in something else.
Maybe this is a part of growing up though....
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