Forgive me for the time away. It's been a crazy two months. I have actually been without a computer for the last month. Anyway, it's good to be back.
Anyway, I have thought of what it means to be growing as human beings. I know that I find myself battling two issues. One is my drive to make my dent in the universe. Another is quite frankly, my laziness. As I mentioned earlier, I love love love sitting on my keister....
I believe that the drive to make a dent in the universe is something we all have. Some are more in touch with it than others though, and some use it for evil rather than good. But I really do believe that this is something we all share. See we are on this planet for only a limited time. And yet, we still want immortality in some sense--something that will live on after we pass. This drive to seek out immortality takes on a bunch of different forms. I believe my sister found it in motherhood in her devotion to her son (and my nephew--he is now 1), and maybe to an extent in her career as a PA. (I hate ceding control, but man, if I ever got sick and had to go to the hospital, I'd gladly let her do the talking to the doctors for me. I saw that when my dad got sick last fall, in how she handled everything. And also in how much respect the surgeon--whom she actually worked with a few years in that very hospital before that--respected her. I'd bet that they would have hired back right then and there if she had wanted to come back. Her shifts were so tightly run--she always made sure that both the doctors AND her patients had the relevant information in a timely fashion. Her patients were so grateful that they were inviting her to barbecues. I could never do as good as job as she did! I'm just not that organized...)
I felt that drive to make a dent in the universe when I was submitting my first research paper for publication. I was taking a long trip the next day, and I just had to get it in the night before. What if I lost my life in a crash? I still wanted that paper to get published, and to be out there. The specific topic isn't really that important here--it is my contribution to science, and I wanted it to live on.
Anyway, a big part of making my dent in the universe relates to physical fitness and CrossFit. I think I said this before on here but I will mention it again: I really feel there is something at least metaphorical about expanding one's physical capacities. I feel a lot more confident, and that confidence translates into going for what I want in other areas of life.
*********************
I have been away for another reason. My UC has been flaring, and it has been keeping me out of the gym, at least I haven't been going to the box that often. I am now finishing a course of prednisone. Did I tell you how much I love that drug? It's a total deal with the devil because the long-term side effects are so nasty, but as far as stopping the flare, there's nothing better. I love the feeling of not having to deal with the occasional sharp twisting pain in my gut--that feeling that my intestines are being wrenched and poked with a screwdriver, of not having to deal with feeling like an asshole just for having a beer--alcohol is better avoided when flaring, of not always having to find out where the bathroom is "just in case", of not feeling like I am going to lose it--on both ends of my GI tract--after a really tough WOD, of just wanting to go to bed at 9 PM because I feel so run down. Seriously, when I am flaring, I take "Uncle P" and the lights just come back on for me.
Anyway, I am going on Remicade. It is injected--once every several weeks you go in for two hours and they hook an IV up to you, and meanwhile you get to relax on the couch. Sounds fine to me. I hope it works.
*************************
Meanwhile I signed up for the Crossfit Open. I am excited to see how I have progressed! I haven't felt like an athlete since college. I have strung together 6 strict muscle-ups, and am decent on the strength stuff, at least relative to body weight. I have holes though--I don't really have a double-under. We will see in a couple of weeks.
Showing posts with label ulcerative colitis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ulcerative colitis. Show all posts
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Living with ulcerative colitis
It was June 2005. I knew something was wrong with me, but I didn't know what.
My girlfriend at the time and I were walking hand-in-hand not too far from where she grew up. She was telling me stories of the mischief her and her friends got into in high school. A really nice summer evening. Suddenly my intestines felt like they were carrying a 3-pood kettlebell. I suddenly felt chills and panic. It looked like I saw the grim reaper.
I let go of Christine's hand and started to speed up my walking. "Christine, I'm sorry but I really need to find a bathroom. Now...."
After 2 harrowing minutes and a lot of Hail Mary's said on my part, we arrived at a coffee shop and I made it to the bathroom. Relief, at least for the next hour or so, until the next urgency attack hit again and the cycle continued. This was my life for the past few weeks, and I was now always tired and now losing weight. And it was affecting all areas of my life. I was interviewing at the time, and it's hard to make a good impression when you are always running to the bathroom (looks kinda shady). I was also getting up at night from bed to run to the bathroom, interrupting my sleep, and interrupting moments when well, we were not sleeping.
"Mike, you really need to go to the doctor...." Christine said to me once, very exasperated.
I was hoping that this was just a bug that would eventually go away, but it did not. My life at the time was craziness. As I mentioned, I was interviewing. At my "job" at the time as a researcher at a university where I was paid on a month-to-month basis from grants that didn't always come in. So I didn't get paid every month. What was worse was that I was writing the research proposals to get these grants so that was stressing me out. (I should add that my employer was NOT the bad guy here. When I took the position I was only supposed to be there for 2 years while I looked for a more permanent academic position, which was my goal at the time. As nothing materialized in my job search, I was allowed to stay longer, but only under those terms. As well, beggars can't be choosers, I accepted. I had made mistakes in my search, and it was MY fault AND MY FAULT ALONE for doing a poor job in planning a backup plan. I've gotten MUCH smarter now, especially with my finances.) I really couldn't afford medical treatment. My credit card debt was getting out of control. I wondered if the way I was feeling was just stress with my money worries and whatnot. Also, my diet wasn't the best in the world either at the time because I couldn't afford good food.
In the meanwhile, I tried all sorts of remedies at Whole Foods and GNC, 30 bucks at a time. Not cheap but what else could I do. Eventually I had to break down and go to my parents for help (really hard for me as I was self-reliant for most of my adult life) and go to the hospital. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, an autoimmune condition. What is basically happening is that my immune system has these crazy conspiracy theories and thinks that there is an enemy in the inner lining of my lower intestine, so it attacks, creating a lot of painful inflammation. Unfortunately, the condition lasts a lifetime--periods where the disease is active in flares, and when it is in remission and there are little to no symptoms. And there is no cure short of taking the large intestine out. Thanks in part to treatment though, I have it mostly managed but not entirely.
To manage my UC now, I've tried some weird stuff and some actually seems to work, to some extent. I now eat ginger root and cinnamon bark straight. I probably down more enteric-coated fish oil than you do. Not because I'm weird or I'm trying to start a new fad, but instead because I am trying to manage the condition. The aforementioned are fairly powerful anti-inflammatories and they somewhat alleviate the flare. I'm not sure if they will help keep me in remission, but I am sure that they can't hurt. When I am having an urgency attack and a bathroom is a ways away, I visualize a stream of cool blue laser light flowing down my large intestine soothing everything. I also remind myself that it's just a muscle contraction and it will pass.
Sometimes I still have flares. Serious flares can be scary. It's a lot more than just a lot of running to the bathroom, it is basically the immune system waging war on the rest of the body, with the lower intestine being the epicenter of it all. Cramps, aches, and fatigue all over. I'm also talking losing 10 pounds in a week or two. And for some reason, it is mostly muscle in the legs. I've once lost 20% of my back squat in 10 days. When I am flaring these days, I force myself to do things like heavy squats and deadlifts like once a week to keep the muscle on, and that actually helps, but I stay sore for sometimes a week after. But I am lucky in that serious flares are rare for me.
What is rather sad is that the treatments now for UC aren't that good. At least they aren't for a lot of us. The weaker medicines don't really do anything for a lot of us, and the stronger medicines tend to be more like sledge-hammers that affect the entire body mainly by weakening the immune system (so it has less firepower to attack the lower intestine), as opposed to a scapula or a sniper that targets only the specific condition. The most powerful treatment for myself personally is a steroid called prednisone. Unfortunately, the drug doesn't target just the inflammation--it instead works on the entire body, and has some nasty long-term side effects. Here is hoping research helps come up with a cure.
My girlfriend at the time and I were walking hand-in-hand not too far from where she grew up. She was telling me stories of the mischief her and her friends got into in high school. A really nice summer evening. Suddenly my intestines felt like they were carrying a 3-pood kettlebell. I suddenly felt chills and panic. It looked like I saw the grim reaper.
I let go of Christine's hand and started to speed up my walking. "Christine, I'm sorry but I really need to find a bathroom. Now...."
After 2 harrowing minutes and a lot of Hail Mary's said on my part, we arrived at a coffee shop and I made it to the bathroom. Relief, at least for the next hour or so, until the next urgency attack hit again and the cycle continued. This was my life for the past few weeks, and I was now always tired and now losing weight. And it was affecting all areas of my life. I was interviewing at the time, and it's hard to make a good impression when you are always running to the bathroom (looks kinda shady). I was also getting up at night from bed to run to the bathroom, interrupting my sleep, and interrupting moments when well, we were not sleeping.
"Mike, you really need to go to the doctor...." Christine said to me once, very exasperated.
I was hoping that this was just a bug that would eventually go away, but it did not. My life at the time was craziness. As I mentioned, I was interviewing. At my "job" at the time as a researcher at a university where I was paid on a month-to-month basis from grants that didn't always come in. So I didn't get paid every month. What was worse was that I was writing the research proposals to get these grants so that was stressing me out. (I should add that my employer was NOT the bad guy here. When I took the position I was only supposed to be there for 2 years while I looked for a more permanent academic position, which was my goal at the time. As nothing materialized in my job search, I was allowed to stay longer, but only under those terms. As well, beggars can't be choosers, I accepted. I had made mistakes in my search, and it was MY fault AND MY FAULT ALONE for doing a poor job in planning a backup plan. I've gotten MUCH smarter now, especially with my finances.) I really couldn't afford medical treatment. My credit card debt was getting out of control. I wondered if the way I was feeling was just stress with my money worries and whatnot. Also, my diet wasn't the best in the world either at the time because I couldn't afford good food.
In the meanwhile, I tried all sorts of remedies at Whole Foods and GNC, 30 bucks at a time. Not cheap but what else could I do. Eventually I had to break down and go to my parents for help (really hard for me as I was self-reliant for most of my adult life) and go to the hospital. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, an autoimmune condition. What is basically happening is that my immune system has these crazy conspiracy theories and thinks that there is an enemy in the inner lining of my lower intestine, so it attacks, creating a lot of painful inflammation. Unfortunately, the condition lasts a lifetime--periods where the disease is active in flares, and when it is in remission and there are little to no symptoms. And there is no cure short of taking the large intestine out. Thanks in part to treatment though, I have it mostly managed but not entirely.
To manage my UC now, I've tried some weird stuff and some actually seems to work, to some extent. I now eat ginger root and cinnamon bark straight. I probably down more enteric-coated fish oil than you do. Not because I'm weird or I'm trying to start a new fad, but instead because I am trying to manage the condition. The aforementioned are fairly powerful anti-inflammatories and they somewhat alleviate the flare. I'm not sure if they will help keep me in remission, but I am sure that they can't hurt. When I am having an urgency attack and a bathroom is a ways away, I visualize a stream of cool blue laser light flowing down my large intestine soothing everything. I also remind myself that it's just a muscle contraction and it will pass.
Sometimes I still have flares. Serious flares can be scary. It's a lot more than just a lot of running to the bathroom, it is basically the immune system waging war on the rest of the body, with the lower intestine being the epicenter of it all. Cramps, aches, and fatigue all over. I'm also talking losing 10 pounds in a week or two. And for some reason, it is mostly muscle in the legs. I've once lost 20% of my back squat in 10 days. When I am flaring these days, I force myself to do things like heavy squats and deadlifts like once a week to keep the muscle on, and that actually helps, but I stay sore for sometimes a week after. But I am lucky in that serious flares are rare for me.
What is rather sad is that the treatments now for UC aren't that good. At least they aren't for a lot of us. The weaker medicines don't really do anything for a lot of us, and the stronger medicines tend to be more like sledge-hammers that affect the entire body mainly by weakening the immune system (so it has less firepower to attack the lower intestine), as opposed to a scapula or a sniper that targets only the specific condition. The most powerful treatment for myself personally is a steroid called prednisone. Unfortunately, the drug doesn't target just the inflammation--it instead works on the entire body, and has some nasty long-term side effects. Here is hoping research helps come up with a cure.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)